How to Survive Your Final Year at University
How to keep going when you cannot leave
For the longest time of my life, I have lived by the saying “if you can’t stand a situation, either leave it or change it.” During my final year at university, however, I had to discover that my everyday wisdom was not applicable.
I was in a situation where my supervisor — someone who was supposed to guide me with my thesis — threatened with ending my stipend if I would not work for him. That is, of course, without payment.
My research group and I found that he had spun off a second company to sell our research. We were at no point informed about nor included in any of this. One day he showed us the new website and some legal terms. From then on, he said, we were supposed to work 70% of our time for the products sold by the startup. His rationale was that we would still be researching and doing this for our degree, just that, in addition, he could make some money off it.
At that time, I studied and lived in Singapore, halfway done with writing my thesis and heavily dependant on that stipend. My supervisor knew as well as I did that I would not drop out, having my degree almost in my pocket. Since he was the highest up person around, there was no authority to ask for immediate help.
In an attempt to apply my everyday wisdom I sought to change the circumstances of the situation. I filed a complaint at the students' office, but that backfired badly when my supervisor got to hear those complaints. I opened up to my lab mates (or rather “coworker engineers in that company”), who had been threatened the same way. But that also brought little help, as they were too scared to speak up. We agreed to suck it up with the perspective that it would all be over soon.
All I’m trying to say is: there are situations where you cannot simply change the outer circumstances and you cannot — or rather really cannot afford to —leave the situation.
So I stayed, and I changed my inner circumstances.
In the following I’m going to list some techniques that helped me keep my sanity during the most awful months of my academic career.
Change the Vocabulary You Think With
Immense stress levels, anxiety, or negative emotions are often connected to certain people and places. For example, people like my supervisor are often referred to as toxic people. One strategy for how to deal with them is extraordinarily well covered in The Charisma Myth by Olivia Fox Cabane. Dealing with them in person, however, is just one piece of the puzzle.
Merely thinking about toxic people can call forth some of their toxicity. In consequence, negative emotions clutter your mind. The same applies to certain places that are connected to unpleasant experiences, like my lab back then.
Negative associations towards the people and places you see every day can easily build up reluctance to carry on with your what you are doing. You might even find that some of these feelings persist and overrule the joy of everyday life.
It helped me a lot to change my inner vocabulary when thinking about the lab or that supervisor. In the beginning, I simply observed whenever my thoughts brought me into a bad mood. That was almost always when I thought about uni.
I wrote down those thoughts, for example when I was on the train or during lunch. Sometimes I just voice-recorded them into my phone. In the evening I actively rephrased what I had written down.
I started to describe more and refer less. “Yesterday at the lab…” became “Yesterday, while I was doing this experiment…”. Or “I have to go to the office soon.” became “I am going to write a page now.”
At some point, this technique started to actively change my thought process. When I reflected on past situations, my brain subconsciously avoided certain phrases. Thinking about experiments or other activities at the lab became something different than thinking about the lab itself. I did not fall into the rabbit hole of negativity, I did not think about what else had happened or was happening at the lab. By avoiding certain words I avoided the entry points to certain memories and feelings.
Human brains tend to create associations, to wire places and people with feelings. By avoiding references to toxic people and places, you can avoid the negative feelings themselves. Or at least you don’t summon up negativity while just thinking about your day.
Acknowledge Progress with a Diary of Done-Things
Todo lists are good to organize yourself, but foremost, they tend to get long. It can be draining to be constantly reminded of what you still have not done.
During my time in Singapore I used a diary of done-things. At the end of each day I briefly noted down what I had accomplished. Done-things also include tasks that have not been on your todo list. Jot down everything that eats your time, like setting up a new computer, cleaning and preparing the lab, or simply sending a bunch of emails to clarify a task.
In contrast to not-yet-done tasks, the diary of done-things highlights your progress of work. Whenever you feel stuck just scroll back in the diary. It will remind you of challenging situations in the past, and in what detail you have mastered them. This can help you overcome the feeling of not moving forward.
But don’t confuse progress with success. Academic progress doesn’t follow deterministic paths. There can be long streaks of nothingness and only a few sparkling moments of breakthrough.
Finishing an experiment, struggling through a tough paper, or finalizing a chapter in your thesis are examples for successful progressions. However, failures mark progression just as much. Failure provides the important information that you have been on the wrong track, either momentarily or in the long run.
Progressing is what makes studying so hard. Hence, it is even more important to acknowledge it.
You don’t have to stop at just acknowledging progress. In my case, it helped me to celebrate small steps. By celebrating I don’t mean to go out excessively. Rather, treat yourself with something small, that reflects the importance of the progress you just made. When I accomplished something I did usually treat me with a cup of my favorite coffee from down the road or a piece of that delicious dark chocolate cake. These little treats reassured me that I, myself, valued my own work. I found it remarkably helpful to highlight all progress in my diary of done-things and to wire those written-down words with the positive feelings of a little celebration.
Acknowledge and value your own work before you move on. I know this sounds like another variation of “don’t beat yourself up”, but seriously, this helps to relieve the feeling of being unworthy of praise.
Closing Remarks
When you are in a situation where leaving is not affordable and changing the outer circumstances looks impossible, you may find it helpful to change your inner circumstances. Just keep in mind that using these techniques is a temporary solution. We all know the negative impacts that chronic stress can have on human health.
In the end, I and my research fellows managed to leave that place. We either graduated or somehow managed other companies to pick up the stipends. And with a small smile on my lips I can tell you that our toxic supervisor failed his startup once we were all gone.
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